My weird nights as a British Bobby.
Police Detectives get involved in all the serious crime stuff but they don’t have the weird, often hilarious experiences that their uniformed colleagues have on the night shift. In the darkest hours, when most of your ‘beat’ is tucked up safely in their beds, it’s time for some uniquely British police weirdness and fun. Forget detecting crime and chasing villains – on the night shift I’ve been kidnapped, locked in a cell, been mistaken for a stripper, eaten donuts, chased sheep and lost my shoes going at 80 mph. But the most fun was always the wind-ups. The Police, the Fire Brigade and the Ambulance guys do the best wind-ups. And there’s something about being out and about on dark, quiet streets at 3am in your police uniform, when nothing much is going on . . .
Crime writers tell stories of murder, madness and mayhem, but if they’ve not been in the job, if they’ve never been a police officer, they won’t know what goes on when the windows grow dark, curtains are drawn and the street lights come on. They will never have (stupidly) volunteered to play the bad guy for a police dog trainer and felt the sheer terror of having a somewhat ferocious and very excited enormous dog bearing down on their hiding place. Most writers of crime fiction have never been knocked flat by a German Shepherd in the world’s best game of ‘hide and seek’.